Nerdfighters Gazette

Anna: “Hi. You’re early. I was just masturbating.“

Mark: “That makes me think of your vagina.“

You had me at “masturbating”. Those, by the way, are the first two lines of dialogue (after a quick prologue) in The Invention of Lying, a romantic comedy written and directed by Matthew Robinson and comic genius Ricky Gervais.

The story is set in an alternate reality where humans haven’t evolved the ability to tell a lie. Everyone tells the absolute truth and speaks very bluntly. Because of this, there is no such thing as fiction, deceit or even religion. That is, until screenwriter Mark Bellison (Ricky Gervais) has an epiphany and tells the world’s first lie…

Reader: “Hey! How about a spoiler warning first you jerk!“

Louis C.K., Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner

Oh calm down easily excited reader. You find all of that out within the first two minutes of the movie. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…

This romantic comedy is one of those “high concept” romantic comedies, which basically means that they tried to think outside the box while writing a romantic comedy. And they did. So far out of the box, in fact, that they almost completely left the “romance” out of the romantic comedy. Mark is in love with Anna (Jennifer Garner), but she doesn’t find him attractive and this keeps them from being more than just friends. For the entire movie. Mark pines for her, and she reminds him that he’s fat and has a snub nose. It’s very robotic, as is Jennifer’s performance. Even her mannerisms are robotic. We’re supposed to fall in love with her, but she is such a shallow person that we tend not to care about her. Stay friends. I’m good with that.

The comedy aspect is what shines. With a ton of great cameos from some very funny people like Christopher Guest, Tina Fey, Martin Starr, Stephanie March, Jason Bateman, Stephen Merchant, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Edward Norton amongst others, it’s hard to go wrong. The front end of the movie is packed with hilarious takes on what familiar situations would be like if people didn’t lie. And then there are more funny situations like that. And then even more…

I wish I could explain this & do it justice.

Okay, so they kind of run that concept into the ground. But not long into it they switch gears when Mark tells that first lie. Same dog, new tricks. No matter what Mark says, people believe him without a second thought because there is no such thing as deceit. Bank tellers, hot women on the street, casino pit bosses. All easily hoodwinked. And then they run that concept into the ground until finally Mark has to deal with the consequences of some of his more elaborate lies.

Overall, the movie is enjoyable if you’re looking for a comedy that will take things  to ridiculous places. Although it can be repetitive at times, Ricky Gervais’ performance helps keep things from feeling completely stale. Louis C.K. is great as Mark’s alcoholic best friend Greg. And you’ll love to hate Rob Lowe as Brad Kessler, another screenwriter who works at Lecture Films with Mark.

THE VERDICT
This movie reminds me of the first time I had sex. Lots of laughs, very little romance, and a fairly stiff and unconvincing performance by the leading lady who kept reminding me that I was fat and had a snub nose. Oh, to be 17 again…

Space, the final frontier. These are the ramblings of non-Trek fan. My ongoing mission…alright, enough of that. Let’s get this review started, shall we?

So hot back in the day...

Now I know that I’m a little late on this one, but there is a reason for that: I just now saw the flick. Why? Because I’m not a Star Trek fan. Never really have been. I used to watch the original series when I was like 8, not because I was a fan but because they were on at 11pm and they helped put me to sleep. I never dug the Next Generation, although I do have fleeting memories of pre-pubescantly fantasizing about the short haired blonde chick who was also in Pet Sematary (thanks to Playboy).

So not being a fan, I wasn’t really interested when this movie hit theaters, even though I was a big fan of J.J. Abrams and Simon Pegg. Which ultimately is why I decided to Netflix a copy to my PS3 and watch it last night. And boy, let me tell you…

I dug it. I thought the acting was really well done and of course the visual effects were amazing. I did end up pausing it a few times so I could Google certain things that were being referenced (Kobayashi Maru, Romulan and Winona Ryder naked amongst others) but ultimately they seem to be nods to the die-hard fans and not things that I needed to understand fully to enjoy the flick.

I thought Zachary Quinto played Spock very well and I liked how they were able to bring Leonard Nimoy into the plot as more than a cheap cameo. I also dug Zoe Saldana’s Uhura (and had no clue why they were making a big deal of her first name until I Googled Uhura naked and stumbled upon the fact that her first name was never given). Chris Pine was fine as Kirk, but I didn’t quite buy him as Captain material. Then again, maybe that’s because I’m not supposed to?

Now for the negatives: Simon Pegg. As the comic relief, he should have been more prominent in this flick. He pops in halfway through the movie and he’s not given but a handful of lines. I hope he is utilized more in future sequels, or else I can’t see myself bothering with them.

Another negative was the cinematography. Now I liked how the Enterprise felt new and shiny, but it seemed like in every shot there was a lens flare or 10, and they quickly became distracting. I actually felt like I needed to put on sunglasses to watch some of the scenes.

Finally, the look of the Romulans. I know what you’re thinking: “But if you weren’t aware of them from the series, why does it matter?” It matters because mid-movie I Googled them, remember? I saw pictures and immediately got used to the pronounced facial bones and bowl cuts. But these new Romulans just looked like biker-wannabes with stupid facial tattoos. I couldn’t even find a picture of an old-style Romulan with any tats. Way to throw in random character traits, production staff.

All in all, the movie was an enjoyable watch and I can’t knock it too much as I wasn’t expecting a whole lot going in. It surpassed my expectations and I think J.J. and Co. will go on to make more great Trek films in the future…or in the past. Or in an alternate reality. I don’t know. I’ve been watching too much Star Trek and LOST recently to fully understand what is happening, what did happen and what will happen/could happen. And now I need some aspirin.

THE VERDICT
This movie felt like going on a blind date. You don’t really expect a whole lot going in, but when you get there surprisingly the girl is cute and you have a good time. Then afterwards you make out in the front seat of your Mustang and cop a feel before she says good night and leaves you with a raging hard on and nothing to do but jerk off to Playboy pictures of the short haired blonde chick from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

NEXT REVIEW
The Invention of Lying starring Ricky Gervais

So I figured I would start this column off with a bang. Let’s hit up the movie that has the entire world (and several other jungle-covered worlds) blowing James Cameron: AVATAR.

First off I want to say that I fucking adore Jimmy C. His body of work basically defined my childhood as far as films go. I grew up watching TERMINATOR, T2, ALIENS, THE ABYSS, TRUE LIES and even TITANIC as often as my friends and I could scrape together enough lunch money to walk up to the local video shop and grab one of those VHS tapes off the shelf (yes, we actually walked and yes, we actually watched VHS tapes). Hell, I even got into his TV show Dark Angel, which launched the career of  über-hottie Jessica Alba as Max. So the man has made some seriously high quality stuff. But Avatar isn’t one of ‘em.

I didn’t quite get the hype surrounding this film from the get go. Where did the hype come from? I had heard that James Cameron was making a film called Avatar. And that it was going to be in 3D. But that’s all I had heard. I never saw a teaser trailer. I never saw an actual trailer either. But although I don’t watch much television in the traditional sense (read: I torrent my favorite shows), I do spend an INORDINATE amount of time on the internet, where film hype thrives and trailers can be found at one of the many websites I frequent on a daily (if not hourly) basis. Apparently the phrase “James Cameron is making a 3D movie called Avatar” is all that people had to hear before offering to give the man blowjobs. But hey, I like blowjobs. So kudos to Jimmy C for that.

Now let’s get to the film itself. The plot is most definitely nothing revolutionary. As a matter of fact anyone who has picked up an American history book or watched a certain Disney animated feature (or the Colin Farrell live action feature) knows that it’s the story of Pocahontas, ripped right out of history and slammed into a new futuristic world. It’s a story we’ve all heard before, but it’s not a bad story so I can give him a pass on that.

On to the visuals, which is the hill that this film’s defenders prefer to die on. Make a negative comment about this flick and the first question from an Avatard (like it? That shit’s copyrighted yo) is “Did you see it in 3D?” Why does that matter? The 3D is nothing more than a gimmick. It just makes it pretty to look at. It adds NOTHING to the story. The defense to that is usually “But that immerses the viewer in the story.” Bullshit. People have been getting immersed in films for decades without the use of 3D so if that is what makes this movie so fantastic then Jim Cameron failed miserably as a filmmaker on this project. A penny is still a penny, no matter how shiny it is.

Let’s quickly hit up the animation, shall we? For the most part the animation stood out (and not in the good “But it’s in 3D!” way). The Na’vi didn’t feel as if they had any weight to them. Seeing as how they are twice as tall as humans, they sure as hell had better be heavier. And they didn’t look completely realistic to me either. Now 10 years ago they would have passed that litmus test. But since LORD OF THE RINGS and Gollum, there’s a new standard and this movie didn’t reach it. Finally, everything was a bit TOO colorful in my opinion. Pandora seemed as if a child had colored it with their 16 piece crayon set. A little bit of desaturation and I buy the world of Pandora as real. As it is, it actually served in helping pull me OUT of the movie.

Quick hits: the dialogue was okay at its best. The acting was fine. I especially enjoyed Stephen Lang as the Colonel and hated Giovanni Ribisi’s character (which is a compliment). The 3D was an improvement over how it has been used in the past, but in the end it’s still a gimmick.

THE VERDICT
Watching this flick felt like fucking the same hooker for the 10th time, only this time she’d had some plastic surgery done. Sure she’s prettier and her tits are bigger, but in the end the experience is the same and you’ll never see that $10 again.

NEXT REVIEW
Star Trek starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana and Simon Pegg

Hello soon to be loyal readers!

I am the resident film geek here at the Nerdfighters Gazette and it will be my duty to bring you all of the news and reviews from the film and television industry. Of course, you will only see it after it has gone through my film geek filter, so be forewarned: this is an opinion column. When I present you news, I’ll give my opinion on said news. When I see a flick, I’ll give you my opinion on it. When I take a dump, I’ll tweet about it. And then I’ll give you my opinion on it.

Also, this won’t be a family-friendly column either (as if you hadn’t figured that out already). I will swear. I will rant. And I will probably use graphic descriptions of deviant sexual acts as a rating system instead of the “star” or “thumb” systems. They’re just more interesting. So if that’s going to bother you, don’t read my column. There are plenty of film critic columns out there that will pander to you. Still interested? Then subscribe to my RSS feed as well as the RSS for Film Geek Critique.

I also encourage readers to leave their thoughts via the comment section, but if you want to go on the offensive heed this warning: attack my opinions, call me out on misinformation, but DON’T attack me personally. Comments in the vain of “you’re an idiot” will probably not be approved unless I can think of a witty comeback. Remember: “Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.” – Richard Vernon, THE BREAKFAST CLUB