Nerdfighters Gazette

If you’re a young nerdy adult today, you probably grew up in the day of quality Saturday morning cartoons. I can clearly remember sitting in front of my TV  pantsless with cereal all over the floor and my coloring book open.

God, I miss those days.

While I’d love to jump on the nostalgia wagon and gush about how good television was back in my day, I’d rather talk about how bad it’s become today. Seriously.

Today, I was on Cartoon Network, and I see this show called Superhero Squad.

I'm not even the least bit surprised this is Marvel's doing.

Now, I’ve watched what I can stand of this show, and it’s just plain garbage to me. All the characters look like 4 year-olds and sound like them yet they have abs and wear outfits with odd cutouts. It’s so damn creepy and it’s not even intentionally creepy. I hope not, at least, because I feel a little bit like a pedophile while staring at Falcon’s ripped stomach and his sides left to bear the elements (damn those cutouts). Seriously. I don’t know what drugs Marvel has been on the past few years, but they need rehab ASAP.

I know people have ragged on Marvel products for kids for dumbing down super heroes and villains into something more kid accessible/friendly. To this I say a big, “What are you talking about, Willis?” Have you already forgotten the Nineties, my friends? Those cartoons may not have had blood and gore out the wazoo like you were reading a Kick Ass comic, but there were adult super heroes dealing with adult villains who got their asses handed to them every Saturday morning with possibly mild blood and violence.

And there was nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know what triggered this descendence into kiddie superheroes, but it needs to stop now. These shows bastardize everything good about what I loved about my childhood. Wolverine threw people through walls, Batman pounced on goons from the darkness and strung them up for Commissioner Gordon to pick up, and Superman had laser eyeballs.

I’m assuming someone got their knickers in a twist and thought exposing kids to violence (even just the cartoony kind) was bad. As a kid that’s grown up seeing these shows, I’d like to say a big, “Go french a llama.”

I’m not violent. I’m not going to leap off buildings in attempts to fly. I’m not an idiot.

The only way television can be bad is if a child is raised solely on it. Television doesn’t have good morals and isn’t going to hold your kid’s hand when his girlfriend/boyfriend breaks up with him and tell him he deserves better. I think this is where the rub with television comes from: it raising children.

I understand if you’re a busy parent. I understand having kids is hard. I understand being a parent is hard. But when you sacrifice teaching your kids good morals and making sure they know the difference between proper and improper behavior, you have no one to blame but yourself if your kid is messed up–unless they have some kind of traumatizing experience or mental disorder that is not caused by you–because a kid’s first teacher and most important teacher is the parent(s).

I’m not saying don’t let your kids watch television. DO. You know why? Because Blue’s Clues is on and your kid will be so freaking smart after having colors, letters, and numbers drilled into their head every day of the week. I learned from watching that show, and I’m seeing the same results with younger members of my family. Seriously. I can’t get anything past that kid, and she’s only four.

So, stop making shows that aren’t kiddie into kiddie.
If you don’t think it’s suitable for children, don’t try to make it so.

Now, back to the schedule.
The next item on the chopping block isn’t a dumbed down show, but it’s such a mediocre show of something that is so awesome that I have to rip on it…or rip it to pieces. You decide.

Batman The Brave and the Bold

I’ve watched several episodes of this series, so I think can say this next statement without being off base.
Where is Bruce Wayne?

The most amazing thing about Batman is because of the path he chooses. He could have just went faffing about with ladies all the time and buying hotels and just being a slut in general, but he decides to decrease a little bit of suck in Gotham by donning the cape. Bruce Wayne is a deep and rich character who often has to struggle with his own morals and struggle by fighting crime in Gotham on his own (for the most part), and he seems to not even exist in this series.

Actually, I haven’t even seen the token villains from the Batman franchise make an appearance.

However, the show is so crammed full of new heroes and villains that no character in the series shines. Not even Batman. Each episode I’ve seen has brand new villains and new heroes, so the ones I saw last week just blend into the next until I don’t know the back story of any these characters. I can’t relate to them. I am just annoyed. I don’t even like the Batman in this series, and I love Batman. Like a great man once said,

“I love Batman from his little pointy ears to his big stompy boots.“

This series may improve later down the line, but I don’t have much hopes for it. I wish I could like it, but I just can’t. I want to so badly. To be honest, the best Batman cartoons have already been made, and if you manage to top that, God help you if I don’t ravage you to death in gratitude.

Now, I have to jump on the nostalgia wagon and speak about the holiest of all holy things from my childhood.
Batman The Animated Series

This is a superhero cartoon done right. Hell, it may even be done too right, but you won’t see me complaining about a cake with more cake on top of it.

Batman The Animated Series represents everything that is good about my childhood. Just hearing the theme music whipped me into a frenzy of excitement, and I was glued to the TV the moment it started and didn’t leave until the credits rolled. This series is still one of the best looking and best written.

It wasn’t too long ago that I dug out my old Batman VHS tapes and viewed them again. It’s a timeless kind of show that I still find entertaining even though I first saw it while wearing training undies. Now, I’m gonna shut up because if I want to write an open love letter to Batman, I’ll do it in another post.

So, nerds, if you grew up watching cartoons and reading comics, what do you think of this dumbing down? Do you see it as a mutation of something you once knew to be good or just a show experimenting with something new? Do you think shows were too violent in hindsight? Do you think it changed you any way for the worse?  Please discuss. Also, this is just my opinions/knowledge/experience here. Feel free to correct any inaccuracies as far as facts go. You will never change my opinion of Batman The Animated Series (Batman Beyond was pretty good though).

Also, if you read all of this, you have eyes of steel. This was a lot to read, and I somewhat apologize for that.
Until next time, Ink is signing off.